Gossip Crisis

"No one gossips about someone's secret virtues" --Bertrand Russell

I read prodigious amounts of gossip, every day. Why am I compelled to do this? While the momentary distraction from the stress and banality of everyday life is welcome, what value does the minutiae of celebrity lives hold for me?

-Gawker, Defamer, Jossip. US Weekly and Page Six

-I can tell you where Jessica Simpson gets her hair done, shops, parties, and gets in catfights with Lindsay Lohan. I even learned her preference for sexual positions from several different sources.

-I can tell you which remarkably (given their thin talent) successful actors/actress are coincidentally Scientologists.

I am one of about a billion other people in dire need of a gossip intervention. The simple fact that gossip projects public attention away from people actually worthy of our interest, coupled with the sad reality of very young girls mimicing the ridiculous habits of famous ho-bags, i.e. being ho-bags, reducing their caloric intake to whatever nutrition cocaine affords, and making a career out of being photographed at special events, should shame us into re-marginalizing the gossip "industry".

Today, having spent the weekend with Superfly, Trouble Jr., and my parents, I am feeling so over gossip and celebrities. Bunch of weak, worthless strivers they are. I knew this already but brushed off the ick that comes with being a gossip consumer (and lusting after the incredible handbags and shoes those whores get for free most of the time). It took a withering sigh and look of absolute disgust, from Trouble Jr., to shake me out of it. She's 16, you see.

"Mom, why do you care about Hilary Duff being anorexic? She's stupid."

Er, um, I, well...you see..uh...

This is the LAST gossip/celebrity post you'll see here. I will remove links to those sites. This is my Gossip Intervention. Pray for me, friends, that I will find the inner strength to resist mentioning how gay Ryan Seacrest is, for as long as my blog shall live.

Reality TV is next to go. Eep!