Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Wandering Jew Flower Posted by Picasa

Ever feel set adrift in the world, uprooted and walking the Earth alone like the Incredible Hulk? Yeah, me too. In fact, I feel that way now. I've wandered the Earth for two years. People I love live in places far from me, if I could I'd live in all those different places at once, to be near to them.

I haven't had my own place for many years--the house I shared with my former spouse never felt like my home, despite the fact I ran the sucker like Martha Stewart on Ritalin. I want a home of my own to share with the people I love, the way those people have opened their homes to me. I want to fill a space with me and my life, hang my pictures and organize my books in a shelf.

The trick is figuring out where my home ought to be. The same struggle I've wrestled with for two years: Do I live where I'm happy or do I live where I'm needed? This impossible decision is the reason for my homelessness. Of course, I immediately decided to move where I was needed. This was such a disastrous decision, I became so unhappy, that I moved away from there feeling twice as much a failure as before.

Now, on the verge of moving somewhere I've always loved, where I've been happiest in my life, where Superfly boyfriend happens to live (whom I indeed love), where there is opportunity and where there are wonderful friends, I am afraid to make the selfish choice. I can only hope this works like the oxygen masks on airplanes: you put the mask on yourself, first, before helping the people who need you.


Blogger Belle said...

If you live your life by "what if's" and never take chances, you will have many regrets to live with. I always do what feels right, what my gut is telling me and you should do the same. Stop thinking and start doing!

3:32 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

If you don't take care of yourself first how can you possibly be of any use to anyone else?


4:24 PM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I couldn't have said it any better than Lisab. If you're not happy you cannot make others happy and baby you deserve happiness. You truly do. Repeat that to yourself in the mirror everyday.

Have you seen the Kia commercial with the song, "Start Having A Great Life?" I think that we should all start singing that soon.


5:01 PM  

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