Another Reason Not to Date a Celebrity

"Matt Damon weds ex-bartender in NYC"
"Matt Damon knocks up, marries ex-bartender"


Not "Matt Damon weds long-time girlfriend Luciana Barroso (sp. varies in reports)in a civil ceremony in New York City."

This girl deserves better. Isn't Matt Damon an ex-struggling nobody actor?

By this morning, the same internet news outlets that posted the above changed their heds to "Matt Damon weds girlfriend". Better, but she still deserves to have her name in there somewhere, instead of a generic title or, worse, a snark about some job she used to have.

I was a bartender for six long years. I was a single mom. I have a lot more respect and admiration for Luciana than I do for Harvard boy and phenomenally lucky person Matt Damon.

The same is true for Nicolas Cage's new wife. "Former Waitress" is always somewhere near her name, Alice. I don't know much about Alice, but I do know that waitressing is a Hell of a lot harder than jumping from Beverly Hills High into an acting career, Mr. Coppola.

But these women will still be asked, "Hey, you, can I get one of him by himself?" at red carpet events by the vomitous papparazzi. Her role is to be the nobody date.

Clearly, I don't know, but I'm guessing some celebs like to date and marry nobodies to stay "grounded". I hope the money and allure of star-fucking is worth it for those nobody women, who are probably lots more interesting than their mates.

Let's say you're dating a celebrity. Which of your former crap jobs will the press leech onto in defining you?

I have a lot, but I'll go with: "Joaquin Phoenix and his older, ex-Jazzercise instructor girlfriend"

What a picture.