Thursday, December 01, 2005

Paris Hilton Rant

Am I the only person looking at this girl and thinking: take away the money, the spray-tan, and the couture, and you've got yourself one butt-ugly, lazy-eyed slut?

She's dumber than a box of hair and twice as mean. Void of talent, she's known for appearing on red carpets and posing for pictures. Lots of "projects" on the way from the barest heiress, not counting adopting weird pets like that kinkajou and Kimberly Stewart.

I just want to know why. Why is she? Everyone else at her level of fame has actually done something worthwhile. She isn't beautiful, her body resembles a hatrack, she's stupid, and she does absolutely nothing all day, every day. Even her scandals are boring, because she didn't have an image to mar. I don't thing she should be allowed to get away with this anymore.

Aside: I cannot wait for the backlash against the scary-thin women fad. I'm popping Ferrero Rochers in anticipation and solidarity with non-skeletal woman everywhere.

Disclaimer: I binge celeb gossip every morning. Page Six! US Weekly! Eonline! Gawker! Defamer! Woo!


Blogger Tribble said...

Wow, twice as mean as a box of hair, huh? Last box of hair I had was actually really nice. It would buy me presents all the time, and it always gave me positive feedback (especially about my hair). Maybe you've been hanging around the wrong boxes of hair lately. :P

I've never thought Philton (Ha! Philton! Feel free to start using that one) was attractive, and I even have a witness that could testify. I remember when Philton first appeared (out of someone's rear-end, I assume), I expressed my wonderment (is that a word?) to a friend as to why people thought she was attractive.

I'm still wondering...


1:40 PM  
Blogger Trouble said...

oh, shut up :P

It means she's twice as mean as she is dumb.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Tribble said...

Gee, stop wasting your time ranting about someone twice as mean as a box of hair (hairbox?) and send me an email!


3:16 PM  
Blogger LisaBinDaCity said...

I agree with you Trubs. She is so damn dumb it's scary. She has nice legs and a good come hither look. BFD. I guess unlike the rest of us she will never age right?

*gleefully rubs hands together in anticipation*

3:31 PM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I ditto what you said. I don't know all that much about her, I don't pay attention to people like her, but from what you said about her, it doesn't sound like I'm missing out.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Boogie said...

If you were a 'net user back when Mr. Showbiz was around, you wouldn't have to go anywhere else for pop-culture and the news of the day. It was sardonic, disrespectful, and brutally funny without being nasty or bitchy.

As for Paris Hilton, we as a culture are to blame: if video killed the radio star, then paparazzi killed substance (put another way, who wants a picture of Jodi Foster on the cover of a movie magazine when they can show black-bar pictures of Paris sucking on some guy's johnson?).

As for Rocher, if you REALLY wanna have some fun, find Calista Flockhart (aka Skeletor) at her next publicity event, hold her down and force-feed her a Rocher. Odds are good there are more calories in that one bite than she consumes in a month.

And I am just guessing here, but I bet her head will start spinning, she'll start puking peasoup amd she'll growl at you in a voice deeper than Barry (RIP) White's.

You should see what she does with Twinkies ;)

11:15 AM  
Blogger Trouble said...

Boogie, I think I love you.

Let's create a T-shirt which reads: "Feed the Skeletarts"

11:36 AM  

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