Friday, November 18, 2005

Right You Are, Ken

I don't know if anyone ever reads blogger profiles, but reading mine will reveal my favorite TV show: MXC: Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, on Spike TV. A thing of beauty, it is. A bizarre and humiliating Japanese game show creatively dubbed in English, e.g., "Vic, up next is Farooz Babaganoush, who owns Happy Jihad One-Way Tours company, attempting the Rotating Surfboard of Death. He's going with the patented knob-gobbler maneuver and, Oh! He really burst his spleen on that one, Vic." "Right you are, Ken."

Another thing I get to do when I zip down to Amishville is get my karaoke fix. Went down to my favorite place, the Lucky Dog, for Chuck Colson's Wednesday night show. He's the awesomest karakoe DJ, I tell you. Plus, the Lucky Dog makes the world's best chicken wings. It was great to see old friends and rip out a few karaoke tunes.

Right across the road, next to the Dairy Queen, is the Three Crowns Lodge, another karaoke joint (7 days/week!) I frequent when I'm in town and jonesing for mic time. As soon as I came down the stairs, Adam, the guy who runs this karaoke, buttonholes me to see if I'll judge the Final in their karaoke contest. Seems a judge didn't show, and they needed one more...I was just thrilled to say, "yeah, sure, you betcha!"

First up, a chubby guy with glasses who sang his Bon Jovi-lovin' heart out in the general direction of his wife. Then, a turgid, but well-sung ballad sung by a man with a grey mullet, followed by Lady Camel-Toe, who scrunched up her face and sang some country song. RP took on A-Ha's "Take On Me" and killed it. Gracie sang another Bon Jovi song, "Blaze of Glory", dispirtedly. A shame, because Gracie is a great karaoke singer. A hipster guy got up and sang some Creed. I hate Creed. A Lot. Adam threatened me with a pen to the eye if I fled, so I just doodled during that song. The same guy who sings Alice Cooper every week sang Alice Cooper. Finally, my friend Marty McFly got up and tore through Bad Company's "Feel Like Making Love". He walked around, humping girls' legs and licking his lips, never missing a note or a lyric. He won, and RP took a close second.

My reward for judging was a Lager and a So-Co Kami. I didn't say no, and greatly regretted it the following morning.

Something in the karaoke water down there in PA, because check out all these new engagements: Top Jimmy & Nancy, RP & Gracie, Marty McFly and his girl, and Bill and Jolene. The last three weddings are all skedded for next October. Ay Chihuahua!

Superfly and I are going to Atlantic City cette weekend, so neener neener. He gambles, I'll go off with whatever girls I can convince to join me in seeking out mischief. Upon our return, I'm going to learn how to steal cable, so I can watch MXC!

"Up Next, Dope on a Rope!"


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