Thursday, May 25, 2006

Lancaster County Insider

Because I am nothing if not helpful:

First, the correct pronounciation is lank-astur, not lan-kaster. Mispronouncing Lancaster is tied for #1 with aggressive driving for aggravating the locals.

A Sampling of Specialized vocabulary:

"Outen the lights" Turn off the lights
"Get a shower" Take a shower
"A piece" Half a mile, i.e. "Drive down Rte. 501 a piece, you'll see it!"
"It's all" It's empty/There are no more
"Yet" Some left, i.e. "More shoo-fly pie yet, Obadiah."
"Doplick" Clumsy
"Dippy" Any kind of gravy, sauce, or condiment
"Already" Inexplicable usage, i.e. "I seen him yet already."
"Off" Vacation, i.e. "Is your off all already, Rebekah?"

Local treats:

Shoo-Fly Pie: A tooth-filling shattering concoction of molasses, nuts, and 8lbs. of sugar, on a sugar pie crust. Not for the weak.

Scrapple: The leftovers from sausage production, seasoned and linked for your breakfast dining pleasure.

Apple Butter: Amish markets set up all over the place during the Fall, right outside the farms. That's where I go to get the freshest, most amazing jams, jellies, and pies, but there is NOTHING like the decadent apple butter.

Pretzels: Factories abound for all snack food categories, but pretzels rule in Lancaster County and you get to make your own pretzel during the factory tour. All tours should be so fast and delicious.

Chocolate: You got your Hershey, your Wilbur, and some insanely good fudge made by little old church ladies.

Nightlife:

While the Amish sleep the rest of Lancaster's fabulous take to the streets. From dive bars to jazz clubs, karaoke to Al's Diamond XXX Cabaret, there is a club, bar, lounge, or juke joint to fill your need.

All roads lead to the Jukebox, however. The place time forgot.

Spirituality:

While heavily Christian and Republican, Lancaster is also multi-culti, modern, and more in step with technology and trends than many towns this size throughout America. Yeah, there are about a billion churches here, but there's a mosque, three synangogues, and regular atheist pancake breakfast. I can safely say I've never met an outsider here. No one, not even tourists, are treated with scorn.

The change from Brooklyn is rather startling, but I think I need to get away from the aggression and ambition of the city awhile, get a shower, and go to the karaoke bar where my friends call out, "Hey, Trouble!" when I walk in. Or, rather, hobble in.

I've never tried scrapple (I don't eat pork)but it absolutely looks like something even a great white shark would refuse to eat. Yes, I imagine chum tastes better than scrapple. Can't recommend it.

But there is Good and Plenty, Paradise, Blue Ball, and Intercourse to be found in Lancaster, and some kick ass outlets (Pottery Barn! Whee!)

So come on down to Lancaster awhile, why don't ya? Especially you, Superfly!

2 Comments:

Blogger threetoedsloth said...

Shoo-fly pie is delicious. It's like pecan pie without the pecans.

3:16 PM  
Blogger marty said...

I think Amish people are cool. How come there isn't an Amish Olympics?

7:28 AM  

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