Friday, December 01, 2006


Attention Whoville: You Suck!

For me, there isn't much to like about the month of December. I hate the cold, despise the snow, and loathe everything about Xmas.

I remember December mainly for illness:

December 2000, I underwent a biopsy to determine if what was left of my diseased thyroid was cancerous.

December 2001, I had strep throat so many times that they decided to remove my abscess-ridden tonsils.

December 2002 I was hospitalized for anxiety.

December 2003 was a major flu month (I'm allergic to flu shots!)

December 2004 found me back in the mental ward, for severe depression.

Last December, I spent way too much time in my beleaguered doctor's office for IBS, knee pain, back pain, insomnia, and allergies.

Things are looking good for this December. The breast cancer stuff happens in January, and I had the flu in November. All the things that bothered me in past Decembers have been resolved through medication, surgery and physical therapy.

I'm fine. I have a great job that I really enjoy, I have Superfly, I am heading out in two weeks to Colorado to visit my kids, I am relatively healthy, I am not broke, I am not currently warring with anyone and I can finally sleep without being drugged.

It's enough to make me want to celebrate the month of December.

If only there wasn't Xmas to ruin everything. Even the damn accordion player in the subway station is playing those stupid fucking carols!

Bah humbug!

There, that's more like it. :)

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Blogger marty said...

I think your calendar should just go from November to January. Isn't there one religion or type of calendar that skips December?

12:08 AM  
Blogger Bobulah said...

Ok, you've got the prize for worst Decembers, but I hold the record for WORST NOVEMBER IN HISTORY. Let's look at what November brought to Bob:

1) Nov. 1, one of my oldest friends was murdered in a botched robbery.

2) My quasi-non-relationship completely fell apart.

3) I was demoted after a week's vacation, after which I was informed that I would not be paid for said vacation.

4) I was stricken with laryngitis for three weeks and going strong.

5) I sprained my ankle.

6) My grandmother fell ill and was admitted to the hospital with kidney failure; my parents decided to put her in a nursing home.

7) As a reaction to these horrible events, I experimented with two of the three drugs I swore I would never do; one binge lasted nearly 14 hours. It was the day before my friend's viewing.

No serious health problems, but beat that, bitches.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I'm got my fingers crossed for you. I hate December too. Both my grandmother and grandfather died in December. They were the best.

4:53 PM  
Blogger threetoedsloth said...

Daaaaaag, what a track record! I hope you've had decent health insurance!

Me, I'm getting my thyroid pills sent illegally from Russia now that I don't have healthcare.

5:33 PM  

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