Top 10 Reasons I Hate NYC

"Stand Clear of the Closing Door. STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOOR!"


As the final days of our New York City residence wind down, Superfly and I are making the rounds of farewell parties, visiting our favorite places for a last (real) bagel, slice, etc., and trying hard not to get too morose about all the people, places and things we will surely miss when we move to Denver.

One surefire way to combat regret and sadness is to focus on the things we absolutely, positively will not miss about living in New York City:

• The constant crush of people wherever you go, whatever you do
• Eternally waiting on line
• Predatory, hectoring panhandlers
• The Meatpacking District
• The New York Post
• The BQE and the LIE
• Endemic rudeness
• Bedbugs, Roaches, Carpet Beetles, and Rats
• Preposterous real estate prices
• The N train. Everyone who rides the N train, their mothers, their pets, their children’s children. A motherfucking pox on all your damn heads.

There, that’s better