Scam-a-lam-a-ding-dong

Did you know that the wedding industry is one ginorvast scam? Yes, children: anyone who puts "bridal" or "wedding" in their business name or tag line is ready, willing and able to do whatever it takes to separate you from your shekels.

A few facts:

There are somewhere around 2.5 million weddings every year in the United States.

The average budget for a wedding is estimated to be $20,000.

$40 - 70 billion is spent on weddings every year in the U.S.

On average, couples spend $3,800 for their honeymoon.

The average household income of a newly married couple is $55,000/annually.

You may or may not know Superfly and I are getting married this summer. We won't be spending $20,000. I am only a Bridezilla when some wedding-related business owner tries to rip me off. And they all do, all the time.

We've been very lucky to find vendors we adore, who are honest and talented at what they do. Except when it came to alterations on my dress.

I wouldn't be caught dead in a traditional bridal salon any more than I would buy a car from a pawn shop. My gown is Vera Wang, bitches. You see, there's a whole side industry of married ladies who did buy their gown at Kleinfelds, selling those couture gowns online. Certainly she didn't recoup much of her expense, but she got it out of her house and I get a gorgeous designer dress for peanuts.

Problem: alterations. Most idiot salons will not alter gowns not purchased at their store and many tailor/seamstress shops are hesitant to take on wedding gowns (and, presumably, the robo-bitches holding them).

Anyway, the gown + cleaning + alterations + accessories = $1,000

Retail price for the gown alone? $5,200

And that, dear readers, is how you STICK IT to an industry that shamelessly, gleefully robs us, our friends and relatives, and everyone else, of every ill-gotten dime.