A Word or Two on Gas Prices

That a torch-wielding mob of angry Americans are not currently marching on the Bush and Cheney families and their ilk leaves me confused.

Surely everyone knows by now that gas prices in America are inflated at the will of the oil brokers? That those same oil prices are artificially inflated right now, when our economy is already shattered, in order to secure the maximum amount of profits to those oil brokers before a probably-unfriendly administration takes office and the gig is up.

Who do you suppose benefits most from offshore drilling?

If you want to understand something, look to the people profiting by it.

The Bush family will hide in plain sight and deny. Cheney's reign of terror is soon over and he can safely retire to Dubai in wealth. The hundreds of other oil brokers, profiteers and pirates are redoubling their efforts to continue bilking you.

Efforts by some to promote offshore, Alaskan and natural parkland drilling have nothing to do with reducing our dependence on foreign oil. Our homeland sheiks just want their piece of the pie. You can bet your ass they won't be selling it back to us any cheaper than OPEC.

Do I have any suggestions for improving the situation? Sure, I do. Don't buy a new car, ever. Buy a used car with awesome gas mileage, find a local whiz-bang mechanic who can put in an electric or fuel-cell engine kit (not as hard to find as people would have you think) and modify your car however you want to suit your driving needs. They have a spray for "new car smell", you know.

Fuck the Toyota Prius — it is a piece of crap. Maybe Prius 2020, but this generation is really a huge waste of money. Flex-fuel is a step in the right direction but still massively oil-dependent. Electric technology is fantastic, but buying an actual electric car is damn political. Fuel-cell is the future here now — if you like in Brasil or Japan. Actually, fuel-cell buses and commercial vehicles are already puttering around certain parts of America, you just don't hear about that in-between luxury car ads and Toby Keith's "Anything But Pick-Up Trucks is Un-American" commercials.

Meanwhile, here you are: suffering. Filling up the tank often means taking money from somewhere else. But, hey, whiny baby, those vacation homes in Dubai don't come for free. Tell you what: from now on, research the background of your elected officials: if it stinks of oil, run them out of town on a rail.

The Bush Administration, Part Deux, will go down in history as one of the most criminal. Calls for impeachment came about 7 years too late. Whomever is elected in November has an unspeakable mess to clean.

Your To-Do List:

Consider selling your current gas-guzzler, or putting it in storage as a collector car. If you absolutely need a car, buy something with high gas mileage that is Used.
Carpool. For reals this time. Don't believe car commercials.

Use alternative transportation if you can. Bikes, mopeds, public transportation and feets will get you around, get you in shape and save you BIG money. Plus, let's face it, taking the bus will give you something to talk about at Happy Hour. You meet interesting people in the world, once you stop driving your car 1/2 mile to the grocery store.

Consider making your world smaller, i.e. moving closer to work, schools, shopping, etc.

Beware of oil people, they are deeply evil pickpockets. Don't elect oil people to public office if you value your money and natural parks.