Day 5

(With apologies to those already damn sick of hearing about the diet)

It seems a fat-heavy, salty, chemical-laden, and caffeine-fueled diet/lifestyle makes one irritable, miserable, and fat. Shocking! Just five days into the FFP I've discovered a disturbing side effect: uncontrollable giddiness. I wake up feeling dynamite at 8 freaking a.m. I be-bop through the day, smiling like a cult newbie selling daisies, and being impossibly nice to everyone. I am a sea of calm when they cut me off in traffic--I'm in no hurry, pal, go ahead! This is fundamentally, unquestionably wrong.

However, I see progress in the form of not-seen-in-many-years abdominal muscle definition. The clothes are looser and easier to squeeze on. Random strangers in non-consecutive meetings complimented my overall hotness. Ok, this isn't so bad.

The food improves as you head into the second week of the program (salsa!)and I'm now sucking down unsweetened cranberry juice/water/ground flaxseeds like there's no tomorrow.

Back at the health food store this morning (reinforcements and organic coffee-whee!)I am ashamed of my self for thinking the Lilith Fair girls were mean and judgemental. They are nice girls. We had an interesting conversation about beer--news is, Rolling Rock is leaving Pennsylvania. Meh. My beer is Yuengling Lager, always was, always will be. America's Oldest Brewery and a family business that should serve as a model to all family business. Plus, the beer is awesome, and you can often find it in a "Yuengs and Wings" special at local taverns for under $5. I ask you, what could be better than Lager, chicken wings, and fantasy football?

I don't get to have beer yet, on the FFP. I go out and endure the endless teasing of the barkeep and all the bargeeks for my cranberry-and-club sodas. Nuts to that. Giddy or not, I still don't give a flying monkey fuck about what anybody thinks of me.

Back to the diet (ahem), so far, highly recommend. A bit of a harsh start and the opportunity for whining is endless (er, obviously), but it looks like a sure bet for giving your poor, abused internal organs a fresh start.

I don't have time for blogging: I have cran-water to drink! Ciao, bella e bello!

Related: Ok, another drawback of the FFP is bizarre cravings. Lately I feel like I could murder for a BLT. I don't eat bacon.