Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Dumbya visits the Amish

As usual, I was first to arrive at my yoga class. I rolled out my sticky mat in the spot where I prefer to get my bendy on and turned on all the lovely, muted lights around the room.

10 minutes after the start of class, the instructor and all the other yogis finally arrived.

"My goodness! Can you believe all that traffic--and those helicopters?" exclaimed the instructor, stripping off her street clothes on the way to the stage.

Bewildered, I said, "Helicopters?"

"The PRESIDENT is here! He was gonna stay at the Eden but there was some security issue. So he's at the Host. Man, you cannot believe the traffic on Route 30! Didn't you hear all the helicopters?"

I wearily replied, "I live in Brooklyn. I never hear or see anything, anymore."

"Oh. Well can you just believe you can take a picture with the PRESIDENT for $10,000? I would just like to meet him, but who has time," enthused our instructor.

And the class tittered about Secret Service goons all over town (searching the Amish buggies?) and how you can't go anywhere without sitting in traffic and waiting in line.

I asked the instructor, "Why is Bush here?"

" yeah! Lynn Swann. He's here to support Lynn Swann," she replied.

Right. Former NFL star Lynn Swann, running against beloved Ed Rendell. Good luck with that, Lynn.

One more week of dental agony before I return to the mean streets of Bay Ridge. I cannot fucking wait! Seriously, I come down here for the peace and serenity (cue: "Ode to Spring") of the beautiful PA countryside and the warm and friendly people I know and love. I do my celebrity to-dos, traffic, and waiting on line in New York, thank you very little.

GO HOME BUSH (and don't come back!)


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