Sorry No Update

Guess That Mental Illness!

In today's edition we have contestant Alycia, an Emmy award-winning Philadelphia news reporter with a winning smile and a cheery disposition -- while she's on air.

Out of reach of the cameras, our girl is famously cunty, and exhibits disturbing behavior that is self-defeating, occasionally violent and always in questionable taste.

Evidence:

December 2007 - While traveling through Manhattan with her DJ boyfriend and some friends, Alycia became vexed by a slow-moving vehicle in their path. After honking and yelling out of the window at the driver in front of them, Alycia and her friends then got out of her car and approached the now-stopped car ahead. The police officers in the unmarked vehicle began questioning Team Alycia. When a female officer asked Alycia to "step back, please", Alycia unleashed a volley of fury, saying, "I don't care if you're a cop, dyke bitch." Shortly after this, Alycia punched the female officer in the face. She was immediately taken into custody.

May 2007 - Alycia mails reportedly provocative photos of herself to Rich, a prominent, married sportscaster. Rich's wife, herself a prominent sportscaster, received the email. Alycia's defense was that she and Rich had been friends for 10 years and often exchanged photos. Rich and his wife vehemently and publically disagreed with this excuse.

Previously - Alycia was married to two men whose marriages she successfully busted up, who then went on to dump her as fast as they could. She is known for asking for dates on Angelo Cataldi's show and asking a Philly newspaper columnist to print her measurements in his media column.

Ok, everybody, let's...DIAGNOSE!

Xmas Music Blows Goats -- Except This!

Yuletide Zep


And THIS!

Two-Bit Jezebel

Have you checked out Jezebel? It's a Gawker Media site that a sort of bad-girl snarky. There are lots of boob, bra, period and sex topics. I comment from time-to-time, when a topic interests me and I think I have something worthwhile to add to the fray.

Lately the site has been hysterically pro-slut. Now, even though I am not a slut myself, I do know a whole bunch of women who proudly wear that dingy, tattered banner and gleefully crow about their dirty, nasty selves. You're Empowered! You are the boss of your sexuality! Ho and Hum!

Seriously, ladies, you were supposed to work this thing out in your early '20s. Maybe instead of going to great lengths to prove how bad-ass you are, you should consider going to great lengths in therapy. Go on, work out those issues, dirty, dirty girl. Ugly duckling? Grew up Catholic? Victim of abuse as a child? The place to work that shit out is with the help of a licensed, experienced and caring therapist.

But no-o-o-o-o, better to work it out at the strip joint, eh? Easy money. It's not degrading and exploitative if you like it, right? Same with sex. It's all about your needs being met. Love is boring, random hook-ups with total jerks is better. Because you're free, you hear? You don't have to be considerate of others or protective and responsible about your own body. Herpes is "whatevs", right? No big deal. The booze, coke, meth, smack, and whatever else quiets the conscience, don't it?

I feel sorry for sluts. What happens when you are no longer physically attractive to potential lovers and your body is toxic from drugs, booze and all your other carelessness? If you live that long, of course.

So go ahead, mock my totally normal and private sexual identity. Feel free to get upset when I judge you. I'm happy and I don't have a big hole inside me that I'm trying to fill with temporary enthusiasms and Id worshipping. I don't want that kind of attention and my conscience is clear. The only degradation I have to deal with my life is when I have to go to the DMV.

Believe that it will come back to haunt you. Herpes is not "whatevs", dear. I don't have it (or another other STD), but someone close to me does. That person's life — every part of it — is affected, the present complicated and the future not at all what they'd envisioned for themselves. That person has Herpes because of carelessness in their sex life; it isn't a minor annoyance that they would ever consider "whatevs".

So I just had to get all that out. I just can't get on the Slut Machine bandwagon. Do whatever you want with your body, just don't try to pass your hijinks off as normal, ok, cool, popular or whatever. Eventually you'll grow up.

Whaddaya Mean Itch Last Call?

We're #1! We're #1!

According to MSNBC, Denver is the "Drunkest Town in the U.S.".

So now you know where the party at, yo.

Cheers!

As I Mentioned Last Month

If you haven't done so already, please get your butt in gear and purchase this CD: "Raising Sand" from Robert Plant and Allison Krauss. They will tour together next summer and you shall find me right up front, embarrassing myself.

In the meantime, love, love, love this song and video:

Happy Chanukah!

Tonight is first candle of Chanukah 5768! Fire up that deep-fryer and breakout the applesauce, it's time to light the menorah.

That's it. Other than Chanukah greetings, I got nothing.

December is always hard for me and no amount of exercise, booze, sunshine or repeated viewings of "Dumb and Dumber" will combat the 39 year habit of seasonal depression.

...but I'll give the booze and sunshine another chance.

Be well and happy. That is an order!