Friday, February 06, 2009

What's Bugging You Today, Trouble?

Are you a sports fan? Do you ever go to live sporting events, or watch the game with friends at a sportsbar?

When you are in a crowded, boisterous arena or crowded, boisterous sportsbar, do you get upset when people yell, cheer or celebrate with a round of shots?

Some Long Island chicks got bounced from MSG during a Knicks game for being loud and obnoxious. The men who complained about them to security were also rewarded with a beer spilled over their heads. Then the dim-wit twats posted an OMG! and expletive-heavy blog on their experience. So what? Well, that was my first response, too.

However, it's "news" on sports blogs and (predicatably)receiving disgusting comments, focused on the women being "stupid" "ugly", etc. and inferring overall that women aren't allowed to be idiot sports fans.

Have I ever been an obnoxious, drunken fan? Of course, who hasn't--at one time in their life or just last week? Anyone going to Madison Square Garden when the Knicks are playing the Lakers (and getting massacred by same)can't reasonably expect a quiet evening of basketball watching and golf claps. Anyone who goes to a football stadium and gets annoyed by the face-painted fools should really consider either a skybox or watching from home. Those jackasses have an equal right to enjoy the game as you do, wimpy.

Not that I defend these girls, they are really stupid. But the sexism is even stupider. Change it to three bigmouth Guidos from Staten Island and it ain't worth a mention anywhere.

Unless the blowhard in question is directly addressing you, STFU. If you do take it upon yourself to try to teach them your version of stadium manners in the middle of a playoff game, you deserve a beer over your head. Mind your own damn business!

Save your shushing for the symphony, morons. Even if you could pass some prissy laws of conduct and get yourself a Pussy Section at a sports venue that is quiet and respectful of your personal space and allows you to enjoy the game at a level of excitement that suits your Easy-Listening style, I will personally find you and pour a beer over your head.

So there.

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Thursday, February 05, 2009

Hilarious, Smelly Exercise

When I bought the Prenatal Yoga DVD at Target I had high hopes of getting limber and strong during my pregnancy and maybe getting a jump on losing the weight after hatching my egg in August. Sure, I could take classes with other preggy women. My excuses for not doing so include the expense involved and my propensity for being overly competitive and sometimes hostile in group exercise classes. A $17 disc I can follow at home seemed an ideal solution. Besides, it starred Shiva Rea, who I think is the wife of sexy yoga guy Rodney Yee.

She's tall, thin, blonde and incredibly fit. Shiva also has a soothing, ethereal voice and a demeanor so peaceful and reassuring that it becomes impossible to resent her in any way. I will probably find a way.

I no longer have a yoga mat, the expensive one was pooped on by a dog that wasn't supposed to even be in my house, much less pooping on my yoga mat. The other was put to use during a snow storm by my darling husband, who found it a perfect thing to put under the tires for added traction. Ahem.

Neither do I have a yoga brick, a yoga strap or a yoga blanket. Instead I rely on my decent balance and flexibility, left over from a lifetime of dance and Pilates and Yoga and friggin' Jazzercise. I was overweight before I got pregnant, but I am still pretty bendy.

A few things I failed to consider. During your pregnancy you will certainly notice that your sense of smell is intensified, to the point you can smell donuts from a mile away. Or, every smelly thing embedded in your carpet when you are in Downward Dog and, especially, Child's pose. Every morsel of popcorn dropped on the floor and missed by the vacuum in the last three months shifted the focus of my vinyasa breathing and nearly made me hurl.

About the balance and grace of which I boast? The funny thing about being in the Second Trimester of pregnancy is your burgeoning bump, which on me sits directly in front of my hips and solidly smooshes my internal organs. Lean the wrong way in any direction and the bump slides, crushing my liver, kidney, stomach or bladder's will to live. Also, smooth and even breathing--a hallmark of yoga practice--is more like gulping, heaving, sighing and panting.

Here's a picture: Me in my living room, attempting a Table position. Besides the terrible noises issuing from my nose and mouth, the cat trying to capture the cute ribbon tie on my yoga pants, and my beet-red face; I am wobbling on the smelly carpet on all fours, one shaky arm pointed forward and the opposite side leg held up in back. The cat is under my belly, swatting at my pants. My belly and supersized boobs are trying to make a break for the floor, I am sweating too much and the phone is ringing.

Shiva Rea is reminding me to "focus on the in the present" and I'm finding reason to hate her. The cat stabs one perfectly formed fish hook of a claw in my fleshy, exposed belly and, after I peeled myself off the ceiling, I stand up without inhaling first and hurl the remote control at the TV.

Shiva Rea reminds me that the growing life inside me appreciates my attention to my body's needs for stretching and strength. I'm so glad.

No doubt the growing life inside me also appreciates the Crunch Berries I had for breakfast and my bizarre craving for Coca-Cola.

It's all good, right? I'm taking care of myself, eating (mostly) right (see aforementioned Crunch Berries and Coca Cola) and getting sunshine, lots of water and gentle exercise.

Perhaps I'll give Shiva Rea another chance. I doubt the second try could be worse.


Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Why is Elizabeth Hasselbeck?

Yesterday on the TV show "The View", which I rarely watch and only was tuned into because I neglected to turn the channel from the night before and was otherwise occupied with laundry, I listened to the rantings of the yentas approvingly. Their outrage on this day was focused,appropriately enough,on Rush Limbaugh and comments the porcine radio host made about President Obama.

Then a little blonde harpie chirped in with the most nonsensical support for Limbaugh I've ever heard. I stopped folding underwear and took a closer look. This woman's sentences got shriller by the word, I noticed, and her empty little head looked close to imploding when her co-hosts interrupted. She looked for all the world like a spitting mad, spoiled two-year old child who isn't getting her way.

Barbara Walters is a distinguished and respected journalist. Whoppi Goldberg is a famous comedienne and actress. Joy Behar is an author and comedian. Sherri Shepard is an actress and comedian. Elizabeth Hasselbeck was an amateur contestant on a reality TV show? She's married to a professional football player? Why is she on this show?

I'll tell you why. Like her hero, Sarah Palin, Elizabeth Hasselbeck represents everything wrong in America that we are trying to change. Both women are reasonably attractive, proudly anti-intellectual, narcissistic fools who hide their lack of education, talent, relevant professional experience, and goodwill behind the labels "Christianity", "Real America", and "Values". In trying to emulate the men they admire, such as Limbaugh or any GOP bullshitter, by spouting racist, ignorant nonsense for attention and money, Hasselbeck and Palin got their wish.

They are frauds. Let us continue to expose, shame and remove all frauds from positions of authority and power. Electing Obama was an excellent start. No more Bush Administration fraud to destroy our country from within. Exposing and prosecuting Rod Blagodovich was a smart move for the State of Illinois and shaming the Wall Street criminals is better late than never, I suppose. California, you have a long way to go: Proposition 8 is shameful and fraudulent leglislation.

Values are indeed due for a comeback. Values such as humility and charity, specificially. Enough with providing fame and fortune to irresponsible and attention-seeking frauds: no more reality TV shows that promote reprehensible human beings, whether "surviving" for millions or strutting sluts or ludicrous "dating" shows. By all means keep showing real-life, healthy families and talent shows and documentaries of real places and real people who succeed in life by their hard work, talent, and intelligence.

Faith is important, but it's more important to us as Americans that one faith does not claim itself the "only, true, right" faith. Not everyone in America--or indeed, the World--who worships and lives their life according to God's will is Christian and it would be wise for Christians to recognize and remember this. Our Constitution clearly provides us the freedom to practice our religion as individuals and assures any one religion from becoming mandate.

Keep your religious beliefs to yourself. Never proselytize. Do not demand any state or federal entity acquiesce to your religious practices. Enjoy your faith in the privacy of your home and within the religious community to which you belong.

Fraud abounds. Stop allowing and encouraging it, please.


Monday, February 02, 2009

Eight is Enough!

So, this 33-year old "perpetual student" and former fertility clinic worker, a single mom of six living with her overburdened parents in Southern California, had eight frozen embryos implanted into her infertile womb. All those babies were born relatively healthy, although premature and likely to have liftime health issues.

Quite the quandry and the firestorm set off by this story is shocking in its ferocity.


*Which mental illness(es) is this woman clearly suffering from?
*Is she being paid as a breed cow and if so, by whom and why?
*Has she done this in a calculated bid to become a reality TV star and celebrity?
*What moral/ethical issues were trampled to pulp in the process of bringing these children into the world?
*If we say reproductive choice should be legal and sacred, how does this woman's decisions become open to public moralizing and judgment?
*How much of blame and responsibility rests with the medical professionals who agreed to the procedure and treated her for infertility when she already had six children (including one special-needs child) under eight-years old at home?
*Is it time for the U.S. to adopt and legalize fetal implantation limits?
*How much government intervention in human reproduction is right and fair?


Well, Hello!

My, my, it's been awhile, hasn't it? My decision to privatize this blog was mostly due to really ignorant emails I received from people clearly not fans of my blatherings. That and the potential for anyone, anywhere to access this blog (and therefore delve into the innerworkings of my mind and other personal details)and link to it and mock me and so on. It is supremely annoying.

Hopefully those nutters have moved on to shinier objects and will leave us, you and me, alone.

So, I'm back, hey!

What's new:

Month four of my fifth pregnancy, the first since I started treatment for bipolar disorder. I'm completely off my psych meds (which is AWESOME) and under the care of my psychiatrist, my OB/GYN, and my internist who all have their eyes peeled for problems. Problems? What problems? The pregnancy is going very well and I feel incredible now that I'm not constantly dealing with Lithium side effects. As tempting as it is to think I can continue this free ride, I know it is neither healthy nor realistic.

Especially since I'm having insomnia. Insomnia is bad for anybody when it lasts more than a few days but for bipolar people it is exceptionally likely to trigger either depression or hypomania (mania without psychosis). It's been three weeks now of 3-4 hours of sleep per night (I find napping impossible) and I'm worried. OB/GYN says insomnia is typical at this stage of pregnancy but PsyDoc is concerned and is ready to call in a prescription at a moment's notice.

I am lucky to have family, friends and doctors who are supportive and caring. Too many bipolars have to deal with ignorance and hostility in addition to their already-heavy load of suffering. The few times I've encountered that bullshit I've put a quick end to that relationship--including dumping my family doc of 15 years because she kept insisting my physical problems (hives, back pain, IBS) were obviously (magically) creations of my psychological disorder and I should stop wasting her time:

Saw an endocrinologist for the chronic hives problem. He diagnosed Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and prescribed a higher dose of my thyroid meds and Sudafed as needed. Problem solved!

Saw a chiropractor for my ongoing back pain problems, for which I'd already been unsuccessfully treated with physical therapy and pain drugs, and in one adjustment straightened out my twisted pelvis. Problem Solved!

Saw several gastroenterologists for the IBS issues and had a colonoscopy. Clear, clean, healthy. Went off Lithium and IBS issues were instantly gone. Problem Solved!

...yes, I clearly made up those symptoms to irritate you, Dr. Assclown. Oh, and thanks SO much for pulling the nurse aside when I was in the hospital recently for a a medical emergency and telling her I was a "psych" patient. The nurse was incredulous and told me right away what you said, stupid.

Have I made my point clear? Yes, I think so. No one should ever put up with bad treatment from medical professionals. Not "psych" patients, not anyone.

And anyway, I'm happy you're reading and hoping those other jerks aren't.

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