Dear Recruiters

Listen, I appreciate that you contact me with "exciting job opportunities" that I am "perfect for". I've worked as a recruiter and I know how things work, believe me.

But from now on, do not contact me with your bullshit. I know I am experienced and talented in my career field. My resume does indeed kick ass. My interviews are spectacular and my references glow.

I also know a fishing expedition when I smell one and I am truly sick of them. Don't lie to me! Go ahead, tell me they've already decided to hire so-and-so's friend from college, but have to go through the motions of fair hiring.

This is the third time in one month that a recruiter called, begging. The third time I spoke with various poobahs, who oohed and aahed at my experience and skills and laughed at my jokes. This is the third time I got a "we just loved you but have decided to go with another candidate" email. Another, "It's not you, it's us."

Yeah, oh Hell Yes I'm bitter. But it truly is their loss and I will just move on.

From now on, however, all recruiters will be treated with the same urgency and respect garnered by bill collectors and telemarketers.

That's your fair warning.