Wall-Eyed Trannie Jailbird

Fingers crossed!

From MSNBC, this nugget:

She blames her agent/PR/doormat Elliot Mintz for her moving violations. Hilariously, she believes she's constantly pulled-over so that officers can hit on her. She thinks the punishment for her crimes is "cruel" and "unwarranted". Her mother thinks the prosecutor is "pathetic". Her fans (!!!) are knee-deep in "Free Paris" mania. Her lawyer seeks to alleviate her from "unfair" punishment. They whole thing stinks.

Winona Ryder deserved the same treatment from the justice system as any other shoplifter, but was merely slapped on the wrist. Martha Stewart got off easy on insider trading charges, unlike other rich thieves. Over and over again, celebrities flaunt laws that ruin everyday people's lives.

Clearly, Miss Hilton was raised to be the next Leona Helmsley, firmly believing that laws are for "little people". Consider what Paris Hilton has brought to the world, why her name is known: underage sex tape, attending parties and hitting the world's clubs, a loathsome tv show, a loathsome book, loathsome perfume, an embarassing CD, an endless sea of paparazzi photos of herself, abhorrent pet ownership, her relationships and her STDs.

Here's the too blonde, too tan, too fugly and too stupid heiress' chance to redeem herself: Do the time, find religion (or,like, whatever) and start a new life for yourself by committing all of your energy to a worthy cause. Join RED, or the fight against global warming, or take on an illness, birth defect or disease. As you approach 30, dear, prancing around parties as a spoiled tranny stripper will get you only so far.

...and that's the end of WOT P. Hilton coverage.

Paris Hilton Must Die

I won't bore you with the extra-long list of this twat's transgressions against polite society, but THIS IT IT. I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE.

She has a DUI. She has a suspended license. She owns a number of incredible cars, including a Bentley Continental GT convertible that apparently lacks a visible gas cap — she drove it empty until it stopped and then wondered why her new car was broken. A good Samaritan (who rightly should have appropriated the keys and vehicle) helped her get back on the road.

Honestly, everyone knows you are borderline retarded, Paris, why not let someone responsible drive for you? Then you can get bombed all you like, and flash your cootch to the paparazzi all you want, without endangering other people or abusing innocent cars.

Now Jalopnik reports that the clearly-deranged minds at Bullrun asked Miss Herpes &mdash er, I mean Hilton, to drive a brand-new Spyker supercar for their program.

Come on, stupids, this is like asking Britney Spears to to head up a "MoPS" group.

I'm not normally a homicidal person, I promise, but I can't help hoping for fiery burnout. A better end for the non-talented slut-ebrity I cannot imagine.