Paris Hilton Must Die

I won't bore you with the extra-long list of this twat's transgressions against polite society, but THIS IT IT. I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE.

She has a DUI. She has a suspended license. She owns a number of incredible cars, including a Bentley Continental GT convertible that apparently lacks a visible gas cap — she drove it empty until it stopped and then wondered why her new car was broken. A good Samaritan (who rightly should have appropriated the keys and vehicle) helped her get back on the road.

Honestly, everyone knows you are borderline retarded, Paris, why not let someone responsible drive for you? Then you can get bombed all you like, and flash your cootch to the paparazzi all you want, without endangering other people or abusing innocent cars.

Now Jalopnik reports that the clearly-deranged minds at Bullrun asked Miss Herpes &mdash er, I mean Hilton, to drive a brand-new Spyker supercar for their program.

Come on, stupids, this is like asking Britney Spears to to head up a "MoPS" group.

I'm not normally a homicidal person, I promise, but I can't help hoping for fiery burnout. A better end for the non-talented slut-ebrity I cannot imagine.

Things I *Heart* Right Now

* Snickerdoodle-flavored coffee beans
* Top Gear on the Science Channel
* Having a dishwasher, washer/dryer and fireplace at home
* Ultimate Coyote Ugly Contest on CMT
* On Demand karaoke, yoga, and free movies
* Spending every weekend with my Troublets
* Making a happy home with Superfly
* Running into people I haven't seen for three years
* Drive-thru Starbucks
* Watching a deliriously happy Superfly on the patio, working at his new grill
* Steadily losing weight through a combination of bronchitis, living in a 3rd floor walk-up, free workouts and the pool opening in one month.
* Our East Coast friends and relatives are lining up to pay us a visit
* Posting screeds on my blogs
* Recently reinstated as a Gawker/Jalopnik/Idolator/Defamer commenter

How are you?

Virgina Tech, Columbine, and Misplaced Concerns

Am I the only one wondering why the focus of editorials and Oprah shows, related to the Virginia Tech massacre, is on blaming TV networks for airing the killer's video?

Let's think about what the Virginia Tech killer and the Columbine killers have in common:

* Guns and ammo that they shouldn't have been able to acquire
* Mental health issues
* Exaggerated feelings of disenfranchisement and persecution
* Public, documented episodes of homicidal rage

Whether or not NBC disrespects victims and perpetuates copycats by airing video manifestos and such by killers who are dead seems irrelevant to me.

The Columbine killers produced lots of video -- that detailed their plan to go on a shooting rampage at their school -- nearly two years before they followed through. They probably acted up in school and scared their friends. Their parents were probably at a loss for what to do with their weird kids.

No one blamed the networks for airing combat footage, or video game designers for the realism in battle games, or Hollywood for filming awesome gun battles. Rightly so, even though the Columbine killers, and that Sueng-Hui Cho guy, were probably excited about all of those things.

No, there are two things that separate ordinary people and killers:

Access to firearms
Mental health issues

Yeah, I know, everyone is afraid of the big, bad NRA. I don't have a problem with responsible, mature people buying guns. My idea of gun control is simple: make it very, very hard for kids and irresponsible people from having access to firearms. How? Retailer culpability is a good start. You sell a gun to a murderer, you are part of that murder trial and subject to fines and imprisonment. That might force gun sellers to take the waiting periods and background checks a little more seriously. Speaking of which, how about enlisting the local police in performing a criminal check on a prospective gun buyer?

Of course, criminals generally get their guns through non-standard means, so pawn shops and gun shows would necessarily need tighter restrictions. Since many guns trade hands over and over, in drug deals and such, serial numbers are not enough to trace the responsible parties. What's needed is some kind of key or PIN to operate a gun. That way, a stolen gun won't operate.

You say, "people who want guns can always find them." That is a problem, isn't it? It then falls to families, friends, co-workers, etc. to report anonymously that someone has a gun they shouldn't.

The other, (I think) more important issue is mental health. Boys and men who suffer from mental illness are disproportionately prone to violence. Boys that exhibit behavior like suicidal/homicidal ideation and feelings of persecution, that are angry loners and non-participatory members of their home, family, school, etc., are critically mentally ill and need help immediately. That isn't adolescence, or them just being "boys".

Families know when there is someone wrong with one of their members. Teachers notice it, schoolmates will tease and avoid them for it, friends sometimes tolerate it or misunderstand it or just are afraid of it, and it doesn't take long for untreated mental illness to become society's problem.

If Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris had people around them who intervened on their behalf and got them therapy and medication, and certain idiots hadn't made it possible for the boys to obtain guns, the Columbine High School massacre wouldn't have happened.

If Sueng-Hui Cho was put into a mental health facility when he refused to take medication for his illness, and certain idiots hadn't made it possible for the guy to purchase guns, the Virginia Tech massacre would not have happened.

It isn't NBC's fault.

Making Friends

Making friends has typically not been a problem for me. I'm outgoing, fearless and occasionally charming. Keeping the friends has been more of problem for me, because I'm moody, forgetful and occasionally insensitive. I still have friends from high school and college that I'm close to and frequently email.

Superfly tends to be shyer at public appearances and in sparking conversations with strangers. I have no problem whatsoever helping him out with this, but it does occasionally embarass him horribly. He has many friends who absolutely adore him and he's known his best friend since they were three years old. At one the goodbye parties, a selection of former co-workers from jobs he had 10 years before, showed up to wish him well.

Here's the problem: we've just moved to Denver and we need some friends. I have a handful of people who don't wish me dead and my entrails set on fire, but they have new babies, or they engage in activities which do not appeal to us. Anyway, I'm content doing things on my own, or with Supe.

I say we just get out and do stuff, and the people will also be out there doing the same stuff. We also plan to get involved with Brotherhood, Sisterhood and so on at our new Temple. As usual, everyone at his new job thinks Superfly is the radness.

Where does he find new poker buddies? Dudes to play golf with, or help move, or whatever it is dudes do? Guys, a little help? Advice for the Superfly?

Oh, yeah!

Forget all the "420" nonsense, you dirty potheads.

Your friend Trouble has a gift for you. Enjoy!

Hobby

Do you think there's anything wrong with two adults staying up all night and racing slot cars? (Not a euphemism)

We did pause to watch Idol and "Thank God You're Here" -- which is funny, even when Tom Green and Chelsea Handler are on the same episode.

Hearing about all those pre-teens (and plenty of grown-ups!) bawling over poor Sanjaya's ouster on Idol triggered a memory of Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, and crushing madly on some doe-eyed, non-threatening celebrity. I wrote a letter to Sean Cassidy, but my real obsessions were Gene Wilder and Starsky (Paul Michael Glaser).

'Fess up.

Bouncing New Baby Blog!

From now on, all my blatherings related to cars will go here. The rest of the nonsense shall be posted herein. Blah, blah, etc., etc.

My question of the day is: Where did newly emigrated Cho Seung-Hui get them guns?

Perhaps if sellers of guns 'n ammo (legit or not) faced hair-raising fines and jail time for selling guns 'n ammo to people of questionable personal and social responsibility, fewer innocent people will die.

And yes, schools from elementary on up need a stronger psychology department, and parents need to get their kids real help, instead of doping the tots into submission with drugs. Apparently, we as a country are not helping immigrants with their mental health needs anymore than people born here.

It is my opinion that mental health is more important than lowering cholesterol, fighting breast cancer, losing 20 lbs. or curing erectile dysfunction. When people afflicted with those problems get into trouble, they typically do no shoot other people or blow things up. You know? The thing is, if you aren't mentally healthy, having a Bowflex body and low cholesterol won't much matter in the long run.

What happened at Virginia Tech is gruesomely tragic. I am so sorry for the victims' friends and family. I'm sorry for Cho Seung-Hui's friends and family, too. I hope everyone gets some help, some therapy for the unimaginable grief they all must feel.

What a terrible shame.

A New Blog Friend!

Ok, so a blogger happened by my blog and was kind enough to leave a comment. OF COURSE I had to check out their blog and all I have to say is I snorked coffee up my nose in the first post.

If you like funny -- and I know you do -- check out:

http://thedigitalfortress.blogspot.com

As soon as I fully emerge from my Nyquil coma, I'm adding him to my blogroll.

Good news! You can still get the original Nyquil, you just have to show ID. Stupid meth-heads. That's who is to blame for the new and completely ineffective formulations of cold and allergy medicines, don'tcha know.

I've been epically sick the past few days. Helpful, since I've a whole apartment to unpack and clean. We're talking; every bone in my body aches, I can stand up for only as long as it takes to walk from bed to bathroom, I sweat and shiver and I've gone through three massive boxes of tissues. Superfly is cringing from me and I do not blame him.

Bah. So thank you, Mr. Digital Fortress, for brightening my day.

Unemployed

Like every third journalist in the U.S., I'm out of work. Yeah, I know I've only been in Denver one week, but I did four months of pre-move job scounting, only to hear "hiring freeze" and "layoffs" and "Even the rats moved to Del Boca Vista."

And it isn't just weirdo specialty journalists, such as yours truly. Many big names at big books are taking early retirement, or sabbaticals to write books, or sending out clips to other pubs in quiet panic.

Broadcasters aren't exactly nyah-nyahing at the print journos, either: entry-level TV and radio jobs are drying up, forcing anchors and long-time news jocks to wear more hats and take home less pay.

As for online media, well, the writers are never the ones making money from that, anyway. Blogs will go the way of 'zines, probably sooner rather than later. So there will be even more unemployed people who report and write for a living.

Useless? Nah! Some enterprising media mogul will simply collect the wayward journalists into a copy factory and reap profits off the ads revenue attached to the output. More or less the way things are now, just free of the problems with celebrity writers and nasty, adolescent bloggers.

In other words, this is a bad time to be a reporter. The only job with any future at the moment is that of tech entrepreneur. Those two goofy guys from Google? Yep.

Not a bad time to be me, however. Life is good. I'll wait out this bust in the job market and do whatever work I can find. You never know where you'll make the right contact or recognize and seize the right opportunity.

For now, I'll keep searching the job boards and annoying my contacts, while enjoying the incredible view from my new patio and sipping another cup of Chock Full O' Joblessness.

Arrived!

Glorious!

An arduous two-day caravan from the mean streets, etc. to the purple mountain majesty that is Colorado, we are unpacking in our gorgeous new apartment that would surely turn all you New Yorkers green (washer and dryer in unit! fireplace! two bedrooms and two bathrooms! incredible view! all this for less than a one-room studio in New York City!)

Superfly starts his new job on Monday and I cool my heels for awhile — It's been very hectic.

I mean it most sincerely when I say that you have a lovely place to stay in Colorado, should you desire an inexpensive and absolutely restorative holiday, chez Trouble & Superfly.

Ta for now!